Join Mike
Thomas, author of the young adult adventure novel, The Mysterious Treasure of Jerry Lee Thorton, as he tours
the blogosphere August 5 through September 27, 2013 on his first virtual
book tour with Pump Up Your Book!
Things I've Learned From Women
Mike Thomas
As I grow older I amass some wisdom. That quote is
attributed to some Greek dude that died before Jesus was born. Yet I think it’s
still true today. One of the wisest wisdoms I hath learnt in mine life is,
“Listen to the women, because you are otherwise wrong!” It doesn’t really
matter what it is. The man is wrong. I hath also learnt to smile, nod and
pretendeth to understand the world of women. It gives me peace.
As a primer for the young men coming through life with
what they think is a full head of steam, I offer some hard learned lessons.
- The toilet paper comes off the top of the roll in the john. Not the bottom of the roll.
- It seems to be OK to fart, but not in church for some reason.
- While it’s OK to fart, it is somehow inappropriate to close one eye while doing it. Also raising up off of a fart seems to be ugly. Forget raising up off one, AND closing one eye. That would be grounds for divorce I’m told.
- Poker night is perfectly acceptable as long as there is a corresponding ‘ladies night out’. Without the ladies night out, poker night is an abomination.
- Beer is a perfectly acceptable beverage in most circles. However it is somewhat unacceptable for breakfast, baby showers, and in church.
- Fishing tackle is generally considered a bad choice for a wedding gift.
- Discharging one’s .357 magnum pistol in the kitchen is frowned upon.
- “Nice cleavage baby,” is not really considered a compliment in most circles. Especially in church.
- It’s OK to buy a keg, but it must be decorative, and blend in with the overall design of the house.
- Urinating in the sink after drinking a lot of beer upsets most women for some reason. Even if you take the dishes out first.
- “Men grill and women cook, dammit,” is probably not worthy of repeating very often.
- Staring at a waitress’ buttocks is shunned. Making a comment about how cute the buttocks are can get you seriously hurt.
- Deer hunting doesn’t count as a man’s “that time of the month.”
- Do not practice archery in the living room without moving her mother’s lamp.
- Intimate toys are none of your business. Forget about it now!
- Wearing a camouflaged outfit to church is wrong for some reason. Even during deer season.
- Toilet seats are serious business. Better learn to just sit and pee. Peace reigns afterward.
- It took me something like seventeen years and eight months to realize that “Not tonight,” actually meant “not tonight.”
I am healing nicely though.
ABOUT
THE MYSTERIOUS TREASURE OF JERRY LEE THORTON
What does a guy do when his best friend starts doing things that are completely out of character? In the case of Luke McAllister, you can’t do anything - until you figure out exactly what it is that is different. The fact that his best friend is a girl complicates matters a heap. Nothing makes sense when RaeNell Stephens, the girl that has “the best curve ball he’s ever seen”, starts blushing and acting like a durned female. All of this at the beginning of the ‘summer to end all summers’ too. This is the summer that Luke, RaeNell, and their friend Farley Midkiff set out to locate, and cash in on a rogue Civil War soldier’s stolen one million dollar Union payroll.
What does a guy do when his best friend starts doing things that are completely out of character? In the case of Luke McAllister, you can’t do anything - until you figure out exactly what it is that is different. The fact that his best friend is a girl complicates matters a heap. Nothing makes sense when RaeNell Stephens, the girl that has “the best curve ball he’s ever seen”, starts blushing and acting like a durned female. All of this at the beginning of the ‘summer to end all summers’ too. This is the summer that Luke, RaeNell, and their friend Farley Midkiff set out to locate, and cash in on a rogue Civil War soldier’s stolen one million dollar Union payroll.
Undaunted by thousands of
scholars and fortune seekers having looked unsuccessfully for the treasure for
a hundred years, the three twelve-year-old friends search diligently for
themselves. What they find is an adventure that leads them on a spiraling path
of discovery.
They discover newness in themselves, their families, and the
closeness of a small southern community in the process. Luke wrestles with his
morality, ethics, and his slowly emerging awareness of the difference between
boys and girls. He also discovers that his late father left him an incredibly
large legacy of duty, fidelity and caring for those around him.
The telling of
the story takes place in imaginary New Caledonia County, NC in 1966. The deep
rural traditions, vernacular, and ways of life of the region and community are
portrayed in great detail as the story unfolds.
This is an adventure story, but
it is also a story about making good decisions whether you want to or not... It
is also a story of relationships. Family and community are underscored, but
there is an underlying theme of male/female relationships. It's really okay for
boys and girls to be buddies without always having to be boyfriends and
girlfriends. It is also a story about innocence. NOT innocence lost, but
innocence maintained.
Purchase
at: 
ABOUT
MIKE THOMAS
Mike Thomas is a southern writer. He grew up in the
foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains in North Carolina where he learned a lot
about family, traditions, and the genteel lifestyle most southerners enjoy. The
richly eccentric folks of his youth have become his characters in today's books
and stories. Mike began as a newswriter, editor, columnist, reporter, and
speechwriter before switching to the role of Critical Care Registered Nurse. He
traveled nearly every corner of the world as a vagabond contract nurse before
resettling in North Carolina a few years ago. He lives with Bobby, his desktop
computer, and Rachel his laptop, in Halifax County, NC. "That's all I
need," He says, "Just my computers and a bit of focus. Then we can
make up worlds we could only have dreamed of last week." You can visit him
at www.mikethomas-writer.com
WATCH
THE TRAILER!
The Mysterious Treasure of Jerry Lee Thorton Virtual Book Publicity Tour Schedule
------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, August 5 - Book featured at Margay Leah Justice
Wednesday, August 7 - Book featured at Between the Pages
Friday, August 9 - Book featured at Book Marketing Buzz
Tuesday, August 13 - Guest blogging at Beauty in Ruins
Wednesday, August 14 - Guest blogging at The Writer's Life
Friday, August 16 - Interviewed at Pump Up Your Book
Monday, August 19 - Book reviewed at Hezzi D's Books and Cooks
Tuesday, August 20 - Guest blogging at The Story Behind the Book
Wednesday, August 21 - Guest blogging at Literarily Speaking
Friday, August 23 - Interviewed at Literal Exposure
Monday, August 26 - Book featured at Plug Your Book
Tuesday, August 27 - 1st chapter reveal at As the Pages Turn
Wednesday, August 28 - Interviewed at Between the Covers
Friday, August 30 - Interviewed at Review From Here
Wednesday, September 4 - Interviewed at I'm Shelf-ish
Thursday, September 5 - Guest blogging at Between the Covers
Monday, September 9 - Interviewed at Broowaha
Wednesday, September 11 - Interviewed at Beyond the Books
Thursday, September 12 - Guest blogging at Straight From the Authors Mouth
Friday, September 13 - Guest blogging and 1st chapter reveal Queen of All She Reads
Monday, September 16 - Book reviewed at Create with Joy
Monday, September 16 - Book featured at My Book Addiction and More
Tuesday, September 17 - Guest blogging at She Writes
Thursday,September 19 - Interviewed at As the Pages Turn
Monday, September 23 - Guest blogging at Allvoices
Tuesday, September 24 - Interviewed at Blogher
Wednesday, September 25 - Book reviewed and interviewed at Authors and Readers Book Corner
Thursday, September 26 - Book featured at Cheryl's Book Nook
Friday, September 27 - Book reviewed at Blooming with Books
Monday, September 30 - Book featured at A Room Without Books is Empty
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